Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize