I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
