peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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