You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Send help, water and tortillas.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize