I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
