I accidentally had phone sex last night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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