Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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