I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
