Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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