Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
