I want to have your abortion
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
