I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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