We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
