awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
