Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
