I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
