wakey wakey hands off snakey
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
