I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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