he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
