theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
