she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
