Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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