Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
