Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
