I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
