Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can text with my tongue
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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