just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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