@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
