So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
