you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize