my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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