I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So squirting runs in the family.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
