Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
