You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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