If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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