didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
