once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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