I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
