just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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