I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize