I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
