i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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