ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
