My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
