Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will pee on everything he values.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
