people are starting to question the shark bite story
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
