nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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