Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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