Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
