you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
