i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
