Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
