I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize