just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
