So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
