did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
