I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
