I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
