Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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