Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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