he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
