I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
