I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my shit smells like andre
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize