He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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