Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
