so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
