I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
