My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
