oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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