So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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