Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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