apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
