he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize