I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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