saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
