need another drink. this is the easiest way
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He better not be in your backpack
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
