Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
and you fell through a lawn chair
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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