The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
