its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my being single is dangerous.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
