i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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