I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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