this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
