You made me cry and you don't even care
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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