I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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