By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"it" just moved
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
