I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
