worst night to have a conscience
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
