the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
