Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
