i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize