Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
