I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am one with the molecules
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
