My liver just broke up with me...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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