Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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