I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
